Coronavirus Papers 3-27-20(I was bitter)

Oh my, I’m such a slacker, I’m sorry. I haven’t written all weak. I’ve been busy(-ish), but not doing things I want to be busy with. Last weekend I was supposed to preform Shrek The Musical. I’m still bitter. The fact that everyone’s affected doesn’t make me feel any better. Do you think that just because you tell me that Seniors are wondering if they will get to walk the stage? Just because Broadway performers and major athletes have had their seasons cancelled? You tell me that the 2020 Olympic Games are postponed till next year? Well guess what? I don’t care… well I mean of course I care, of course I feel bad for them. It doesn’t take away from the fact that I am hurt too, it doesn’t mean that somehow my feelings are less validated then theirs. Of course it’s sad/disappointing that you had to cut your year-long trip around the world short. Or course it’s sad/upsetting that people are risking their lives to take care of those who are sick. Because our government didn’t pay attention to the signs that it was coming our way. I’m not saying what everyone is facing is nothing, I would never say such a thing. I’m just asking you to maybe for once, think about people like me. My whole family is safe and healthy at home, yes. We still have food, yes. We get out to take walks and can text our family and friends, yes. That doesn’t mean that we don’t feel it. You can reschedule a game, you can postpone a show, but you can’t take away all the time I’ve lost. All the moments spent sitting in my house when I should be dancing my heart out in class with my dance-mates, or playing the violin under the watchful eyes of my teacher. I should be trying to fit in on a field hockey team when I’ve never even played. I should be at school, with my friends, and those who aren’t quite friends yet, but are close to it if I try a little more. I’m finding that I’m even missing those people I was most happy to get a break/away from. You can’t replace what I’ve lost. This is my 8th grade year. Next year I’ll be a high schooler, and I’m not ready. I want to be within my (insert name of school), my beloved school that I’m starting to realize I’m going to miss. I want the comfort of knowing who everyone is without those kids from the other middle school coming in. I want to be back. I’m finally feeling confident, but I’m not there. I want the chance to embarrass myself in front of my lovely drama family. I want my 8th grade year back. I want Shrek and Game Day and vacation back. I want my normal back. It was never perfect, but it sure was better than this. School is out till April 15th at least. We’re not going anywhere over break and I know it, but it doesn’t mean I want to hear it. It’s like if I don’t hear it, I can still pretend nothing’s happening.

-Ani (angry and sicj of all this)

PS. I’m deeply sorry to anyone who has lost a loved one at the hands of this dreadful virus.

PPS. I hope this is not our legacy. You never think it will be until it is.